it wasn’t my time to go yet

Hii , and thanks again for coming. 🙂

It’s been some time again since my last post, but please do not think that I am neglecting my business or that I am not thinking of this blog everyday. This blog has become more of a personal outlet for the things I’ve been experiencing so it takes me a lot more time to gather my thoughts – but it will go back to normal VVeWalk posts soon 🙂

I’ve kind of been through a lot this past month –  a bit of a shitstorm but in hindsight it was a good shitstorm. I’m learning what it means to truly embrace both the good and the bad. Having a positive mindset and being optimistic doesn’t mean that you’re ignoring the sucky parts of life – a part of it is accepting that the struggle was always a part of the plan- you just have to get through it the best you can. (Thanks Jordan :))

There were times this month I felt crazy (which in most cases is bad)- but instead of trying to make it go away, I embraced it, let myself go a lil crazy and it actually made me feel better. We live in a society where we don’t want to feel any hurt or pain, so we run away from it…take drugs..drink… whatever your vice may be, but I’m learning that sometimes just letting yourself feel that pain is good for us. It’s what makes us human.

Throughout all this , God has really shown himself to me a lot during this time and I know a lot of what happened, all happened for a reason.  I think going to Bali was part of His plan for me. I came back from Bali just a few weeks ago, and I wanted to dedicate the rest of this post to the beauty of Bali and what this trip meant to me.

First of all, thank you to the best hosts

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Patty Power, Alan Jenggot, and Jaeik San @ Tanah lot Temple where we all got blessed with holy water 🙂
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Wayan, Ami, Dista, and Kadek… my Bali loves… thank you for your love and for making me feel so happy everyday
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my curious George..

I fell in love with this baby Macaque from Sumatra. I spent every morning with him in the pool, singing Lion King songs, Justin Bieber, and other ratchet music that monkeys probably shouldn’t be listening to. I used all that I’ve learned in my VVeWalk training research on George and I believe it made a difference – within a week, I saw a more confident and happy lil baby monkey.

**Disclaimer: ** People may think it’s cruel to have a pet monkey, but George’s breed is exploited for entertainment purposes in Indonesia. The poachers sell them to dealers that torture them in order to train them. They get hung upside down in order to learn how to walk upright, starved and only fed when they obey trick commands, and then they’re chained up in isolation until they have to perform. In the hands of Papa Patty and all those at Villa Karisma, he is really living a better life. ❤

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riding around the village and seeing fields of greeeeeenn ❤
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a mama and her baby ridin round and gettin it
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baby monkies at the sacred Ubud Monkey Forest Sanctuary where Patty and I went to get blessings for George
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Kudeta Beach- a place of happiness, Bintangs, and amazing live music
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a truck filled with smiling men after a day’s of work
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the daily commute – traffic is crazy
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happy dogs at the beach – there are so many stray dogs in Bali 😥 – please do not approach them even if you feel sad because there is a chance they have rabies – but I have heard the government is making moves to get vaccinations throughout the villages
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my beautiful, free spirited Jo “Our destination doesn’t make us free”.
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Wayan, one of the best smiles I’ve ever seen
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Canang Sari – the daily Bailnese offerings

If you’ve ever been to Bali, you’ll see these small leaf-baskets all over the streets. These tributes are placed everywhere, but where I first took notice was at the villa. This ritual is a cornerstone of the daily practices by the Balinese women. The women place these all around the home, blessing it with holy water and and a stick of incense. These offerings symbolize gratitude for life. The people of Bali have these reminders everyday for them to remain thankful for what they have…and sharing what they do have. ❤ ❤

On my last day, I wanted to participate in the offering as my thank you to Bali. What touched me most was when Wayan was placing these offerings at the entrance. Kadek told me, these are placed there to keep all those in the villa safe…to keep harm away from us. :’)

OKAY,  now here is where the title comes in…

Later that day after the offering, we decided to go to the beach for some last waves. We were all having a great time, but for some reason, I thought the waves were too weak so my dumbass urged us to go deeper. What we didn’t realize was that these waves were not riding out straight, but sideways – and they were actually pulling us in deeper.

Before we even realized, we couldn’t touch our feet to the ground, the waves were too powerful, and Dista and I started drowning. Dista (Love you!!) went into panic mode and began screaming for help… I thank God she screamed because in that moment, I couldn’t even get myself to scream… I Thank God also for Jaeik because I honestly don’t know what would have happened to us two if he wasn’t there… All I knew was that our best chance of survival would be for me to stay calm and afloat but also for Jaeik to take Dista to shore first… (There were two girls even DEEPER than us who were also screaming for help… 😥 ) I’ve never felt so helpless in my life…

I don’t know how much time has elapsed by this point but I drank so much salt water and my legs were about to give out from my shitty doggy paddle. I was praying and trying my best to stay calm because I KNEW in my mind if I panicked, I’d only drown faster- but at the same time a part of me really thought I was gonna die . I even thought Damn. if God planned for me to go out like this, I’ve got no regrets and I loved the time I had alive. Crazy, right?

I didn’t even see anybody coming, but this guy appears out of nowhere and tells me he’s going to help me. He just told me to remain calm and we’ll ride the waves back together. I kind of blacked out during the rescue process but all I know is I felt sand again. Before I could even say thank you, he went back to save the other drowning girls, but I was so f*cking happy to see Jaeik and Dista safe on land. We all just sat there for a while… kind of in shock at what just happened. We made it. We really really made it.

I wanted to find him again, but I didn’t have my glasses and couldn’t see far out… so I went to the showers to wash off… and AGAIN, out of nowhere, he shows up… and I just hugged him and thanked him. He told me, his name is Marcus and he’s a surfer in Australia and he’s experienced moments like this before, but “you cannot let this experience keep you from getting back in the water. You must keep swimming”. Thank you, Marcus… and I promise I will be back in the ocean! You are my hero. Here he is below.

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On my way to the airport, Ami told me had something for me. She handed me a box and in it was a pair of earrings… She wanted to say thank you to ME for doing the daily offering earlier that morning. The crazy part is I realized I had lost an earring during that whole drowning disaster.. How….Why did she get me earrings..? I told her about what happened and she told me it was Bali, Bali was looking out for me.

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Before leaving Bali, I cried, but it was tears of joy. I felt so happy, so thankful, so blessed. I’ve replayed this situation over and over again and it still feels unreal to me. Not that I know what near-death experiences should be like, but I didn’t think I’d feel this way.
In that moment where I really thought I was gonna die, it was the most raw and real moment I’ve ever had with myself. In that moment, I was stripped to my core. I don’t have my family, friends, VVewalk, money.. I have nothing. All I had was myself but I was happy with who I was. I didn’t think of regrets, or “I wish I did this”, but I really think I was a bit at peace because I loved me. I think that’s a part of what life is. Not all the superficial bullshit we wanna attain, but to love ourselves while we are living.

I feel like I’ve been given another chance and I just want to continue to live my life the best I can. Life is too short for bad vibes, bad people, or bad energy.

Damn. that was exhausting. Thank you Bali for everything you were. How can you not be healed in a place where wifi passwords are “ilovelife” or “happiness” haha. People say that time flies when you’re having fun, but this trip made me realize that time actually goes by the way time should when you’re really living in the moment.

Being back in Korea, I’m back on the grind again with more dogs than before and I promise you an update of all the dogs and regular VVeWalk life. 🙂 Again, I’d like to thank you for reading if you were able to make it this far. xx

2 Comments

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  1. Hey V, glad to know u’re fine! there’re so much though after reading this article.

    “sometimes just letting yourself feel that pain is good for us. It’s what makes us human.” I always tell myself go deep down to the dwell when i’m upset, but just stay a while there is good enough, remember to wake yourself up after a while. You are the only one can wake yourself up. I learnt this after once had depression. 🙂

    The drowning probably it’s God’s plan that let you experienced the down and the up, the real meaning of it after you “though” you’ve been through in your life before. He probably also wanna let you know don’t worry He’s gonna save you anyway at anytime, when you think u’re not gonna make it anytime.

    God’s plan is a bit tricky i always think, He always let us learnt/experienced about something we hv no idea with but actually prepare for the future. That happened to me all the time. When i finally realized..Aiiih..this is why He planned me to know those skill before! I couldn’t help to smile.

    좋아요

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